Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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