I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex