Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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