Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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