she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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