dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
