I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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