My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize