You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
