I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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