just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
