i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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