I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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