sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
