You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
