Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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