If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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