At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
