and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
