Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
