So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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