Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i love accidental penises.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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