You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
