Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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