I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
