I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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