Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
