i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
