He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
