i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
