i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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