Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
