Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
