The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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