Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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