I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
