I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
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You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
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He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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