Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
