i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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