He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
