i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
