Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
