I can text with my tongue
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
