Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
