i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
