I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
