Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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