I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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