This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i've created a new STD.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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