my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
