bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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