Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.

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(619): View more from California

I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny

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(845): View more from New York

Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.

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(312): View more from Illinois

Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.

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(509): View more from Washington

Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.

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(806): View more from Texas

You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.

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(720): View more from Colorado

In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.

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