On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
