the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
