toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
