Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
