dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
how does that bad decision feel?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
