If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
