yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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