my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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