I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
