I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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