mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
