coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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