If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
