Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
