I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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