I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
