don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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