drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
