How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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