Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He kissed a someone with a penis
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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