My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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