I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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