you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
