I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
